That dreaded holiday, Valentine’s Day, is fast approaching. I say dreaded because my husband (who will remain nameless) inevitably asks me “Do you want flowers for Valentine’s Day?” or “Pick out a Valentine’s present and send me the link.”. So romantic, I know, and most of you don’t have that problem – right?

For the few who – dare I say - might need a little help on “What NOT to give” I’ve devised this little top ten list. And for those of you who definately know how to celebrate the holiday with the perfect gift, take a minute for a little chuckle.

1. Nothing. Nothing stirs a woman’s ire like receiving zip from her beloved on Valentine’s Day. It’s not easily (or ever) forgotten. (This Gift of Nothing works much better!)
2. A generic card. My brother-in-law proudly proclaims that he closes his eyes, picks any card, never reads it, and then presents it to his wife who lovingly replies, “Ohhhh how sweet!” Don’t even think about it, because we can tell. (An effective alternative.)
3. A stuffed animal from the drug store. Any stuffed animal, especially a cheap one, is not acceptable for Valentine’s Day. Women are not children. (Spend 5 minutes online and do this instead.)
4. A cheap box of chocolates. The Whitman Sampler is the mother of cheap chocolates. Buying these says that you stopped at Walgreen’s on the way home and ignored the flower bouquets.
5. Practical things. Practical things such as vacuums, kitchen gadgets, mops, and brooms. These things are not romantic or personal. Try something that’s practical in a way that says something other than “work”.
6. A fake diamond ring. This gift says “I never plan to make a real commitment to you” as well as “you’re fake”. So find something a bit more authentic that mimics her personality.
7. Dinner at a sports bar. Unless she loves sports – which she may - take her someplace that’s more about you and her being together and less about the big screens above every cocktail table. (Need a little help? Look here.)
8. Lingerie that is two sizes too big. This goes without saying.
9. Artificial flowers. These dust collectors say that you have grandma’s taste. Get rid of those tasteless bouquets and pick up the real deal – or better yet have them delivered to her, the shipping price is well worth the experience she’ll have getting them mid-day.
10. Tell her you’ll celebrate after Valentine’s Day when the prices are marked down. This is my all-time favorite and one that my husband pulls on me each year. (Blast that excuse away by pointing him to this simple tool that will get your evening off on the right foot.)

Take heed, my friends and keep these ten simple tips in mind as you celebrate Cupid’s holiday.

How about you? What’s on your “do not give me on Valentine’s Day list”?